Category: Tough Times

Getting Off The Hamster Wheel

November 2023

Our lives are so fragile, yet when we live them on what some people call the hamster wheel, that fragility is not even noticed. The wheel turns. Since my last post, Christmas, trips, moves, more trips, fireworks, and school ending and beginning. How can that much time go by so quickly? When I first got married, an older lady in our church said that once you have children the time seems to speed up. I guess the developmental stages that children go through make time move forward more quickly than when we are just living a life for ourselves or newly married? I can see how that might be. But I wonder if time really is just moving forward differently because the hamster wheel has added responsibilities and added activities, and it is hard to stop time or slow down when that happens. Along with the added children are everything as parents we add to the wheel, as well.

Then…

Have we ever been driving, and up ahead we see a sequence of traffic lights, like maybe the ones that are getting us ready to meet up with an interstate or highway? There always seems to be at least one on our side of the interstate to help those turning left onto the on ramp and coming off the interstate, and then one after we pass under the overpass for us to turn left onto the on ramp going the opposite direction and help those coming off. These lights are much needed with a busy traffic interchange. As we approach, many times the lights tend to blend together. We see the one right in front of us, and also, we see the one ahead. Maybe it is just me, but a couple of times I have looked too far ahead and miss the one right in front of me change to red, and hitting those brakes comes out of nowhere; a sudden stop that throws everyone in the vehicle in a “woah” moment. Like coming off the hamster wheel. Moving forward looking ahead, maybe far ahead, then stopped.

A sudden stop; each are different. Yours is, or will be, different than mine. Listen, I am not a doomsday person, and I do not want to say that we should live our lives under the fact that we had that stop or will have that stop. But, a hamster wheel stop can be life changing and life altering, yet has the potential for us to live life afterward. I am a pure example of this. One day I was a go-get them, bossy, active thirteen-year-old and the next day, I was a cancer patient. And not just a cancer patient. I was physically sick, hurting, and dying; mentally, I was angry, unnerved, and discouraged. Plus, add any and all other physical and mental attributes of this situation. Life as we all knew it suddenly stopped, and a new life suddenly started.

Although most of us do not see day in and day out as fragile; they really are. They are the most important gifts we are given. I do not care that the hamster wheel is turning, we must be able to slow that down. Once we hit the sudden stop, like when the light turns red, then nothing is in our control. So, what next.

Let us put into place the hamster wheel slow down plan.

  1. Realization: We may say that has already been done, but the next step is insurmountable. You know, like when you are hiking that trail that takes you up the switchbacks. There are always those steps that are like two-in-one and to us short-legged people, those type of step ups, puts me in a place of unbelief that anyone would actually make steps so tall. I have done my fair share of stopping and looking up to see the steps and switchbacks as overwhelming. So, we go to the next step.
  2. Evaluation: Getting past the realization step is the one step that many times never is seen in the rear-view mirror. Many times, we won’t go past it. Hamster wheel stays turning. But if we can slow it down slightly and start on evaluating, the situation comes into focus. The giant two-steppers show up as doable, maybe at least until the next switchback. Each person and their evaluation looks different. A few years ago, mine looked like anxiety, crazy wife and mom, and I saw myself in total disarray. I was living in constant back pain, constant stress which in turn I put on myself severe anxiety. Yes, I put it on myself. We have a choice here on how the stress and anxiety affects us. My evaluation was that I could not change the circumstances.
  3. Slow down: I needed to slow the hamster wheel ever so slightly. I found ways to self-care and combat the bodily aches and pains, then remove a couple of things off the wheel, and then in turn a happier wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
  4. Move forward: a tad slower and the steps may still be just as tall but the next switchback is closer to the top, the goal. Within the evaluation, move forward with the changes. We cannot stop with evaluation; take a step. I saw changes in my health that were desperately needed; physically and mentally.
  5. Evaluate: Is this working? Are there a couple more tweaks needed? We must not think that our life has to stay where we find ourselves. God’s Word gives us insight.

Colossians 1:9-10 ” For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and understanding; That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

How many “change” verbs do we see? Filled, Walk, Being fruitful, Increasing. All moving forward ideas.

Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”

II Peter 1:5-8 “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The last verse is fantastic about not staying in one spot, but it is also so overwhelming because the list is so long. Well, start with ONE of these things. Evaluate where we are and implement a change in kindness or patience. We cannot expect anything in our lives to be different if we don’t do something about it, and God tells us to change the things that are not in line with His word. It is a doable task, or He would not be saying it. Time to slow the hamster wheel before it hits a complete stop.

Sow, Then Reap

12/17/22

I visited a verse this week that I saw in a different light. II Corinthians 9:6 tells us, “He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.” What are the immediate thoughts when this verse is used, which many of us have heard hundreds of times in our lives?

There may be many applications, but my immediate thought has taken me to gardening. I have proven this verse to be wrong. I plant an over-abundant amounts of seeds and plants in our small garden out back, and then I proceed to over-fertilize, under water, leave the weeds and then cross the tomatoes with the corn. I am the worse gardener ever, but I am a pro at growing the weeds! Actually, the plants and seeds I put in the ground typically come up and they are perfect, but I hardly reap anything. Except one year I planted jalapenos; it was amazing! There were so many, I did it the next year because, hey, why not, I can grow something. The problem is we do not eat jalapenos. Seriously, our taste buds do not do super spicey, but I made some salsa. Then after a couple of weeks and more growth, I passed the jalapenos on to friends who use them often. I was super proud. I have to say my succulent journey has been pretty much the same. I have some growth, then barely alive for months, then death, then trash; many times over.

II Corinthians is definitely not proven wrong by my lack of green thumb, of course, but the amount of sowing and the correct sowing and the amount of reaping are in direct correlation with each other. Now, what else comes to mind and what does this verse really mean to us? Sow sparingly, reap sparingly; sow bountifully, comes back to us sometimes ten-fold, even the sparingly part. What areas can we apply this to in our lives today? Absolutely everything! Our pastor spoke to our teens on Sunday about decisions they make today are crucial to their future. I have told teen girls that multiple times. Their whole future is ahead of them and what will they choose today to make a Godly go at it? If we as adults apply this verse today, let us wake up and throw out the seed of quiet time with God. How much we sow gives to us encouragement, joy, strength; anything that we are as Christians to move forward in our day. Makes us think about having sown quiet time. Then our harvest will be an amazing day. Well, if it turns out not to be so amazing, at least we sowed Christ into our soul and spirit to draw peace and strength to face what might be the hardest day/days of our life.

Been there, people, and I wish my thirteen-year-old self had Jesus, because the discouragement that came with my cancer diagnosis was other-worldly. Thoughts of taking my life were never a part of my brain activity; I have to say I cared about me more than to take my life, but dying in my sleep? That would have been a peaceful way to go, was my thinking. I knew of God and how He could have made that happen. I just did not know God like I do today. I have learned to say, God is sovereign and has each and every step orchestrated for me. At thirteen, I wanted those steps to be my steps and the orchestration written out my way, so I did the only thing I knew to do and that was survive. God may have been in control, but that hair loss was not going to keep me depressed. I wore a wig. That chemo treatment was not going to keep me out of school, I went every day except the day after chemo. I was not sick, and no one could convince me otherwise. This was just an inconvenience. Sowing Jesus in my life was just what I heard in Sunday school, so I realized I needed Him almost a year after my diagnosis, and I saw Him as my Savior. Then in college, He got a hold of my heart and made me realize I had nothing to do with being alive, healthy, and with the ability to serve Him. He challenged me to start sowing my quiet time, then He started reaping in me a soul and spirit that truly depended on Him for every single day. One that looks to Him for joy, strength, health! My mantra: everything, everyday has God’s hand on it.

God asks us to sow. He asks us to throw out the seed of giving; of our finances, of our time, our lives to service. We could give lunch with a friend, gifts to others, or maybe coffee to a coworker just because. We should know if we sow, we are going to reap benefits. God sees and He may not bless financially now when we give financially, but who has ever given a gift just because and did not feel a ping of joy? There is the reap. We reap what we sow in our time. I have been hustling on to get something done and been stopped numerous times because that person needed time. I came away with a happy heart, a blessed moment in that relationship. Granted, I blew past a majority of people, but that is where I need to work on my sowing. People need us, people need time, people need love. Why are we too busy to give to people, or should we say, why do we not give to people and make the “busy” excuse. The verse, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly,…” Proverbs 18:24, then show friendly and reap. We have had conversations with our boys multiple times about this very same thing. Need encouragement, show encouragement. Reach outside of our self and be nice, be helpful, and be someone to someone else when they may not have someone, because THE SOMEONE asks us too. The amounts of sowing opportunities in our lifetime are abundant, whether right or wrong, we really should be aware and calculated with our lives, determining our steps ordered by God. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” He is for us.

Throw out the seed of kindness. Our families deserve our kindness, and we reap abundantly what we sow in this area. It actually is an immediate reaping, right? Throw out the seed of love. Love is a choice, it is a feeling, too, but if we do not feel loved or want to give love, that really does not determine our love for someone. But we choose to love, and our God has shown us the ultimate love, so who are we not give back to Him and others? Throw out the seed of joy. “How are you?” I submit to you, let us start saying what an old friend used to say every time, “Super Fantastic.” instead. Throwing out a joyful response really helps us feel better about what is going on around us at any given moment. Throw out the seeds of peace. Our generation today has a huge entitlement issue, thus keeping things volatile. No one is entitled to anything when we have Christ in our lives and when we do not, we still are not entitled because God has the whole universe in His hands and controls everything. Each person is on this earth because of one God. Finally, just throw out the rest of the seeds of Galatians 5:22, 23; “…against such there is no law.”

What are we sowing today? There are many people in my life that have taught me the seeds to throw out so that I may reap. I am grateful and truly blessed to have them in my life, because I then can testify if I sow abundantly, I will reap abundantly.

Prayer Is For Me

11/3/2020

What is Prayer? A solemn request for help or expression of thanks expressed to God or an object of worship. The words pray or prayer are mentioned around 500 times in the Bible. There are other words mentioned many more times than the word prayer, but prayer is an intimate word that is associated with our relationship with the Creator. When a relationship is considered important to us, we do what we can to spend time with that person and share our thoughts and feelings. We get feedback on ideas or questions we may have and enjoy making memories. We value certain relationships, and yet many times when it comes to our forever relationship with God, why do we not develop it as we do the others? Well, we might say, because He is God, and there would be certain aspects of an earthly relationship we would not focus on. True, I understand that, but what about the rest?

Why exactly do we pray? God tells us to pray, He wants us to pray, and we need to pray. Prayer is not for God, but prayer is for us. It is given to us by God as an avenue of communication to Him just as the Bible is given to us as His avenue of communication to us. God’s Word tell us in Psalm 50:15 “And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.” Matthew 6:9-13 labeled as the “Lord’s Prayer” is given as an example of how to pray. Matthew 21:22 says, “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” Our prayers are our source of strength that allows us to believe there will be an answer because of who we are speaking to. Prayers are foremost for our salvation from sin and for our confession of sins once we are saved.

We could lay out many more verses of prayer, and I believe as Christians we know we should have an improved prayer life. We realize that we must pray, but do we realize how important it is for us? God does not need us to pray because He needs help, but it is the means God has for things to happen. It helps Christians show His love to others, and allows paths to be open up for God to work. It is always available, and nothing, except for unconfessed sin, can hinder our prayers to God. It humbles us, especially when we see answers to those prayers we so fervently lifted to Heaven receive an answer. Honestly, sometimes we are surprised when they are answered. I never get used to a prayer asked with full belief and answered amazingly. Lastly, we get to experience God through prayer, it brings us close to Him, and we see evil conquered.

Prayer is a cancer patient’s lifeline. How many needles have I received? Hundreds. How many side effects have I experienced? Not done counting. How many pains have I endured where I cried out to take them away? How many scans have I so anxiously lifted up to God sitting in the waiting room with kids of all ages doing the same or at least their parents? Each and every time a scan came back clear, the sigh of relief was heard around the world and the small tears welling up in my mom’s eyes were wiped away. Another hurdle jumped and cleared. But the next time will that hurdle stop us in our tracks or do we clear it by centimeters?

One of my closest friends recently got stopped by a cancer hurdle, stupid disease. She was diagnosed and is awaiting surgery, with complicated tests results mixed into the longest waiting period one has to endure. The biopsies, the test results, pre-op appointments, and the surgery scheduled dates are enough to put someone in a tailspin. What does one say to someone going through it? From experience, unless asked, stories are unnecessary. They need us to say we are praying and mean it, they need us to say we are there for them, and we can help them in any way. Just to hear someone cares and is praying takes the feeling of cancer aloneness away. It allows a cancer patient to feel like the weight of the disease on their shoulders is being held up by others like Moses was assisted at the battle against the Amalekites. It gives a feeling of power to conquer and strength to move forward. Knowing someone is thinking of us makes the results of biopsies and anxiety of surgery that much more bearable.

There is nothing better than prayer. It has changed the course of a sea’s direction, battles fought, walls standing, an infertile womb, lion’s mouths, a day’s time, a centurion’s heart, prison bars opened, and nations turned to God. All of these stories in God’s Word could be our stories, and they sound like our stories. For me, prayer changed death to life, hell bound to heaven bound, infertility to mothering, with thousands more answered prayers. We must not take prayer lightly, and we must pray today. WE can change everything.

What Happens When God Chooses Us To…?

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1/4/20

When we live our lives with God’s direction as priority, the above question shines bright. What happens when God chooses us to…? Chooses us to lose a baby before birth. Chooses us to hear the doctor’s words that take your breath away. Chooses us to say goodbye for the last time to your loved one as they walk out the door or breathe their last breath. What happens when He says that it is our turn to face this? Every day life can be monotonous; school, sports, work and even church attendance. Our schedule Monday through Friday each week stays the same except for the occasional party or get together. Our weekends can consist of sporting events, get togethers, and church. It is what we do and where we go to the point that our car is on auto pilot. But God has a plan for each of our lives, and when we choose Him, He will lead us and guide us through that plan.

As a Christian, God directs us in His word to be a LIGHT:

I John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”

Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven.”

To share the GOSPEL:

I Peter 3:15 “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear;”

Matthew 9:37, 38 “Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest.”

To follow His STEPS He has for us:

Proverbs 3:5, 6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.”

Hold on though. What if those steps are devastating? Here are some of His promises:

Isaiah 33:3 “Call unto me and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”

John 10:29 “My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all: and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.”

Isaiah 43:2 “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”

His word is written for those devastations! It is our written guide. So amazing the promises that are given to us; it gives me goose bumps. How comforting and overwhelming at the same time.

Our family travels each summer to places we think everyone will enjoy. Every other year or so it is a place we have not explored as a family; possibly my husband or I have been there, but not with the family. I enjoy the concept of a new place and appreciate the vast amount of information that can be gathered at my fingertips. What to do and how long to be there often starts off the process, and with that comes reading websites and reviews from others that have tread the ground we will be covering. There are many decisions made based on what we find out. After the timeline is in place, the accommodations are a priority, then back to websites and reviews. On more than one occasion, if the location is a tourist spot, we will buy a guide book from the local bookstore or check them out from the library. We enjoy taking them on the trip. We also have this amazing book someone gave us that has each state in the U. S. which lists spots that are not necessarily high volume tourist places. “Off the beaten path.” A road less traveled by the multitudes which means not a major highway or two lanes; sometimes even a dirt road. We have seen more cool places using this guide book than we can remember. Many times we do not have time to take the detour, but at least once on each trip made Google maps and “make a U-turn” go crazy.

God has His word telling us of the path many have trod. It is our guide and gives us encouragement to hear of those that have traveled our same road. We turn to prayer and God’s word to see what those before us did and maybe how they handled it, whether right or wrong. But “off the beaten path” becomes those times none of us want to go through. God chooses us to make those trips. When God Said Cancer to my family, we had no idea what was going on. Every doctor visit, needle, medicine was a new road to travel down with the large street sign named Cancer. The detour went forever and ever, and the bumpy road was a killer to the back and neck all the way up to the head. I was not happy about this detour; in fact, I was angry. At 13, I could not wrap my brain around the fact that God was asking this of me. But, I learned eventually. In previous posts, I wrote of finding God and His goodness in my situation. I knew I would not have survived this beast if it had not been for God’s healing shortly after diagnosis, and because of that and the possibility of death, I found Jesus’ redemption and salvation.

Two steps forward: good scans. One step back: 24 hour headaches. Two steps forward: got an A on my science test. Three steps back: hair falling out in the bathroom. God is choosing me for this? He is sending me on this detour and actually guiding me this direction? Why!!! Answers after answers including the back and forth steps mentioned above came my way. As an adult, He has shown me 10-fold the answers, and they are pretty amazing. But it does not change the fact that God could still choose me for ….? And God is choosing each of us for…? What will we do with that choosing? Our response is not going to be love, peace, thank you, God. There is too much hurt in the moment and moments to follow, but He is there watching and guiding and as long as we remember that, I hope we can eventually say, God Has Chosen This For Me.

 

Hope Deferred; Stuck in the Roundabout

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12-10-19

Summer 1998

Hope deferred can really make our heart sick, exactly how God puts it in Proverbs. We look forward to many things in our lives. I remember when I was a little girl, my dad pastored in a couple of churches in Texas. Along with being a pastor’s kid came the privilege of going to church camp with my parents when they would visit the youth while they were at camp. Depending on the church size, my parents were the chaperones so we spent all week at camp. I loved it so much, but I really enjoyed hanging out with the “big kids.” They put up with me; humored me. The best day ever was when I was going to be just like them, and that day could not come fast enough. Hope deferred… In junior high, getting into high school was going to be the best day ever. In high school, nothing could take the place of getting my driver’s license! After the driver’s license came looking forward to graduating from high school and “getting out of Dodge” on my way to college. Should I keep going? We get the picture.

Hope deferred was constant in my life, and I have to admit, I find myself in that state of mind every now and then. But currently, it does not seem to make my “heart sick” near as often. In my life’s journey in 1998, I had completed four years of college with no future plans, spouse, address (TBD in Oklahoma), job… Pretty much depending on God for every step of the way, because “the way” looked a little like a London roundabout. My husband and I visited London a few years ago, and he wanted to drive which means renting a vehicle. Unbeknownst to us, driving in England means there are many intersections that have multiple streets coming into one point. These roundabouts have six, seven streets that spur off and a person has to know which one to get off at AND, for us Americans, make sure when we pick that street, we are on the correct side (which did not happen once!) On more than one occasion, we ended up in a roundabout, and after a few revolutions figured out the correct street and were able to exit.

Kind of like hope. Deferred; so we take another go at it. This way, God? Nope, here we go again. In life, I was definitely in a roundabout and headed to Colorado to work yet another summer at a church camp. I was not discouraged, but excited because I loved summer camp, and this was an opportunity to live and breathe camp for eight weeks. It was hard work, and we spent many a night falling into bed for a short night of sleep to repeat the jobs the next day. I spent much time praying about my future and asking God what He would have for me. There were big decisions that were made that summer.

One of those decisions came in the way of a job opportunity. My parents had already arrived in Oklahoma and were attending church. They met a principal of a school and decided to give me a call; in their mind they knew who I was while I was in denial. I love the parental role; it is amazing! They sent me an application to that school. Not interested! But, I prayed and looked through the application. It was what I was created to do, created to be, created to give on this earth. Be a teacher. I knew from the beginning of time, teaching was my future. I had an interview over the phone and received my first teaching job, sight unseen for both sides. Hope had been deferred which was not known until I jumped out of the roundabout with my eyes closed, no turn signal, praying it was the right side of the road. What a crazy step of faith! My summer ended in Colorado, and I headed to my future address in Oklahoma with a brand new job at a school I had never seen or a principal and school employees I had never met. Nervous to say the least, but super excited because of the unknown. God had been faithful to me and gracious to guide me out of the roundabout down a new street.

During this time, since I was a college graduate my health insurance was no longer available through my parents, and I needed to get insurance because of my health history. I started with the most obvious insurance company in the city I was living in, and within a few weeks, received my first “rejected” letter. My application had been rejected because of a “pre-existing condition.” CANCER had once again denied me; hope deferred and now I was in the cancer roundabout again. Why was this happening? I did not have cancer, I was cancer free for almost ten years, medically noted as cured for almost five years. What was their problem? On to the next insurance company. Denied! Then the next, Denied. Five insurance companies later and still no insurance. No one told me that cancer would do that; that this would be another long term side effect! I guess I had to find out the hard way about the insurance and now needed to plan for any medical problems that may raise their ugly head. One more thing to be anxious about in my cancer journey.

Along with the insurance conundrum, two weeks before school started, I walked into my new school and classroom with an incredible amount of butterflies. The principal, team teachers, fellow teachers, and the faculty were all amazing and taught me everything I needed to know to receive a precious group of fourth graders on the first day of school. Two weeks flew by, and it was time.

The roundabout. Many roads headed into one circle that once someone gets into, there may be times where they will stay for a while, yet fewer times that they take the next road. It is a picture of our hope deferred. It makes a heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life. It is fantastic, breath taking, breath exhaling, whatever we classify the tree of life. We can be so grateful that our God gives us the abilities to get in the roundabout and wait on Him to show us the next road. Thank you, God, for Hope Deferred in the Roundabouts.

Plans Change Constantly

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11/6/19

Fall 1997/Spring 1998

Is there really anything more to say when the cancer has been cured, and a person is going on with life? Just because chemotherapy, constant trips to the doctor, IV tubes, CT scans, throwing up, and hair loss is not my life now, cancer is a part of me daily. And because of that daily reminder, I feel like this journey is still worth sharing. I am a cancer survivor, having been at the lowest of lows and in the depths of despair and death. Fortunately for me at this time, I am not there; but unfortunately, others are.

When life happens, whether we label it as “good times” or “bad times,” we have to live life. Psalm 139 is such a strong chapter, I want to hold on to it today.

“O Lord, thou has searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.”

Summary: Good times and bad times are known to our God, and wherever we go, He is there. Wherever we go physically, mentally, emotionally our Wonderful, All-Knowing, All-Powerful God resides in Heaven watching. When we feel like it is too dark to God, it shines brighter to Him. Good times and bad times are no different to Him; granted, they are to us.

While beginning my senior year of college, I was looking at pretty cool times. The totem pole had my name at the top; life was so exciting. Shortly into the fall semester, our family had a significant change. My dad, who was a part of the board of directors at the college, had been asked to be a part of the faculty on campus. He accepted, and planned to move the rest of the family down to southern California in January of 1998. CANCER SCARE! During this process, I had noticed a hard spot that raised major concerns in my heart and head of a recurrence. Man, the thoughts and anxieties that occurred. After doctor appointments, it was decided to remove what they classified as a fatty tissue tumor. I would return home at Christmas break and have the surgery. Senior year, fall semester: beginning-good times, middle-bad times, middle-good times, Christmas-bad times, good times. I have an immediate thought of a Charlie Brown character with a giant mouth open wide screaming, “AAUGH.” My life was in craziness mode; I may not have been doing a good job trusting God here.

I remember coming home and help pack the house up and then saying goodbye to the most precious people in my life for the last nine years. Our little church in southwest Wyoming had grown to include wonderful people who had stood by our family’s side during some of the hardest times in our lives. God was moving us away from them. Why? He knew the reason. That move along with other decisions were instrumental in where I am today in all aspects of my life. After saying goodbye at church, I entered a hospital which I had sworn off ever placing another foot in the door. Returned back into the cold, white walled surgery room with the hard bed and a gazillion medical instruments, and let a doctor take another knife and cut me open. Check – another surgery to add to my resume’. Cancer, heart, benign tumor… The tumor was just as they had said AND we had hoped, so we left two days later, saying goodbye to a place that we loved so much. We return every few years to visit with many of those friends and see God’s beauty in the mountains.

At the same time my home address changed, I was in search of my future address because graduation was just around the corner. What in the world would I be doing and where would I be? During this time, I was student teaching, and after a few days I was 100% certain God had NOT been leading me into teaching. No way, no how would I want to go into the classroom. It was an extremely rough classroom situation. I was totally wrong about my career! At the same time, I was approached about going back to the church camp I went two summers ago to work for the summer. With no other future plans, I signed up to return after graduation to Colorado; my future address was still undetermined. That would change quickly.

Within a couple of months and many turn of events, my parents would be moving to Oklahoma because the entire college was moving. I knew one thing: I was going with my parents after my summer in Colorado. Before and right at graduation, I would be offered a couple of teaching positions, but since my future did not have TEACHER in it anymore, those were easy decisions. Again, Charlie Brown – AAUGH!

But as a planner, things were being planned for me, and the good times and bad times were aligned; I was ok with that. At least I did not have cancer, even though it had raised its ugly head at me again, in a way. I knew at that point that I was going to have to keep this cancer past in my periphery, not the back of my mind. It would not be going away as easily as I had tried to remove it. God had made me aware that He was still in control, and after my amazing life-changing college lessons, my relationship with Him had changed dramatically. He was so good to me. I stood amazed at who He was and trusted Him for my past and my future. Proverbs 13:12 is my life verse and pushes itself at me constantly. I have used it once already in a past post. “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick, but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”

J – Others – Y

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9/29/19

Spring 1997

Reaching outside of our bubble, our life, who we are, is extremely important. I realized this with a recent family trial that has turned into a journey. It began when my husband’s mom had a major stroke, and I emphasize major. Here comes the medical-there are a few types of strokes ischemic, hemorrhagic, brain stem, and cryptogenic. Hers was a hemorrhagic which is not as common and often deadly. God spared her life. We have known stroke victims, but this was our first experience first hand. Medical terminology, recovery, statistics, blood pressure, etc… are a new road of travel for her family. Many stroke victims lose something from the stroke, and no two people are affected the same. Because of this loss, the family tries to fill in the gaps. It is a trial that has an end result of a new normal. My husband, his siblings, and dad have spent endless hours learning the ropes of a stroke. This education is exhausting and ever changing. The new normal is a full focus on helping their wife and mom regain strength, movement, and cognitive ability. They have taken their lives and reached past their giving threshold and then given more. It is what a person does when life changes in an instant. Life is about others, right?

My junior year of college brought to me my first lesson about others. I had become very much aware of others when I walked into my first dorm room. My friend and roommate my Freshmen year and I grew up with only brothers so we did not have to share with any other girl in our homes. We really got along great! But then there are others when a person lives in a dorm, and one realizes that quickly. I loved each of the dorms I lived in, and for the most part it really went well. But, again, life is not just about us.

My junior year brought an opportunity to see others and serve them. I was able to work in different ministries at the church and spent time telling others about Jesus and His love for them. Our college had been taking mission’s trips each summer, and I signed up to go to the Philippines. Growing up in a pastor’s home allowed the opportunity to meet many a missionary family as they circumnavigated the United States getting ready for the final destination of another country. They are dedicated families that have said “I will go,” taken up their roots in a place they call home, said goodbye to friends and family, and would say hello to a group of people that most likely will not even know the word. These families I met growing up were just like my family, called by God to tell others, serve others. As Christians, we all have that commission.

Missionaries were my heroes. I was more than excited about going to the Philippines. The group going consisted of a couple of close friends and other college students plus a Filipino man from our church at college. He had taken a few groups over in the past, and would set up for us to be there for five weeks with national pastors. These pastors were actually Filipino men who were pastoring churches that in the past might have been started by an American missionary. Pretty cool.

We began in January getting our funds together for the trip, passports sent in, and time off of work depending on where we would be going that summer. We would spend the last week of May and the whole month of June in the Philippines. All of us were excited and began to prepare for children’s programs, testimonies, and youth services. With the preparations, it is really easy to look past what would hit a person right in the face when they go to the mission field. The people are what we are there for, and the experience of going to a foreign field and serving in a ministry aspect is priceless. But the way of living is so different than America, or the America I had experienced growing up. My parents provided all of our needs, and when we moved to Wyoming they both worked full time jobs outside of the ministry to support the family. We were very much taken care of and would have never considered ourselves in need. There are people in this country who would have needs that I had never experienced.

Going to a foreign country opens up a whole new world. People are people no matter what country we live in, and they may have many needs, but the one common ground we have is just that: we are all people, created by God with a heart and soul and mind. We all have a soul that needs Jesus. Whether we live here or in another country, the act of serving others should be in the forefront of our minds.

When a person goes to the mission field for a trip or to minister full-time, they have one goal: to serve others. They have put Jesus first and themselves last to serve others. Across this world people need the Lord. But, what if we are not sent over to another country or never have that opportunity to go on a mission’s trip? Are not people there the same as people here? Yes, they are, so let us serve them here, too. Let us tell them of Jesus. Why in the world are we too busy to do that?! Many a person, myself included, are in too much of a hurry or to even take five minutes to lay out their long schedule for their day or week. Others are the last thing on our minds. Live our lives; that is what God wants us to do. Be diligent, be responsible, but be loving and considerate of lost souls right next door to us. That cashier has a soul and our busyness might skip over that. Our soccer mom friend needs a home church. We live in the “Bible Belt” of the United States. I have met people even here that do not know about Jesus, and many that want to hear of His love. Who are we living our life for?

J-O-Y. I think most of us have the “Jesus” down. I would not question that about the majority of Christians I know. The “You” is an obvious problem with myself included. The “Others” needs a little work. I submit that if we take the amount of “Jesus” on one end of the spectrum and the “You” on the other end and meet in the middle, our “Others” might be just right. Philippians 2:3-5 sums it all up. “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus…”

The Cocoon

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7/20/19

Just like that, all the words from my previous post have come to fruition. Our family has seen a new normal for now that was not planned less than a week ago. My s-u-m-m-e-r became very real to me and my family this week. Our Salvation was real close to us because we almost lost a significant part of our family who would have joined our Father in Heaven without His hand on the situation. We plan to stay Unmovable during this time of trial, because our God is who we serve and He is always there. We stay Mesmerized at the small steps that have been accomplished in our loved ones’ life every day. We cherish the pictures and the Moments we had and have with them at this time. We will Evaluate what God has placed before us and focus on the situation placed before us and the people sent our direction, because we need to be Ready to show them the love of our Almighty, All powerful, All Healing God!

Five seconds changed our families’ world. Now let us see what God will do with the rest of our seconds.

Fall 1995

Similar to this time in my families’ life, a very significant time in my life was my sophomore year of college. I had begun the year searching for something, anything that gave me a purpose and a reason for the crazy cancer fiasco that had come my way a few years before. God brought me a friend that was kind of in the same boat. We were able to fill a void of friendship for each other. God also spoke to me over and over in chapels and church services about my relationship with Him and that my life lived for Him should show others His love. Across my path, walked many people that had been affected by cancer. I grew closer to God than I had ever been. My testimony was shared in devotional time and given to teenagers at conferences. At the time, I was not aware of the significance of what God had done in the past, but saw small things here and there of how important it was to share my experience. I did not know what the future held for me, but knew I was doing what I was suppose to be doing at that time.

Recently, one of our children had to teach a lesson in their classroom about anything they were interested in. They chose the butterfly, and we ordered Painted Lady caterpillars online which were shipped to us through the mail. It was very exciting opening the box and seeing this small cup of insects inside. The caterpillars were shipped inside a cup that contained the food they would need to survive the process. The instructions were to leave them and watch them grow for a few days. It was amazing how in just a couple of days they doubled in size and continued to grow.

The next step was significant and all of sudden. We looked inside one day and four out of the six caterpillars were in a cocoon, and one of them was in the process, moving and wiggling around with the cocoon forming. In one day, they were finished and suspended in air from the lid of the cup. Instructions: wait a few more days and then we would see the butterflies emerge. Having caterpillars for pets was extremely easy; purchase them, get them in the mail, open them up, set them on the counter, and watch. Love pets, but most of the time it is a ton more work! We literally walked into the kitchen one day and the butterflies had emerged. They were so pretty, and it had been a fascinating process. Oh, and super easy! Next instructions: watch the butterflies for a few days, feed them with sugar water, and then release them to do their job in the flower world. I am sure that we could find many a caterpillar outside and see the magic happen over again. We, however, enjoyed the easy online order and process we took to see the cool metamorphosis.

As they studied the caterpillar and gathered information about the changing into a butterfly, I became very aware of the significance of the cocoon. Without the cocoon, the caterpillar stays just that; a caterpillar. The cocoon is where all the magic happens. This is very similar to the Christian life. During the time of life where I was going through cancer there was much wiggling and movement while the cocoon was forming. I feel like the time I spent in college figuring out my purpose in life was the same. Every step of the way to this point has most likely been the same, or the cocoon has formed and I am just being transformed. At whatever point in the process that I am in, heaven will be when I emerge and am made new. Thank goodness for the cocoon; it is such an important part of the caterpillar’s life, as it is in mine.

We could say that God is that part in our life that protects and changes us to be more like Him. God’s word tells us in Job 23:10 of Job speaking to those around him about the devastation that he had just endured. He lost his family, livelihood, and body and still he said these amazing words speaking of God: “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” We will come forth as gold. No matter the easy road, the hard road, the protection and comfort we have in our Heavenly Father will always be there. Nothing that we go through on this earth compares to the trial that Jesus Christ went through as He stood before men as a man in the same flesh we are in and was tried and sentenced to death. He was placed on the cross and in agony and pain took the sin of the whole world upon Him so that we may be saved. Even though we are tried and sometimes suffer, we get to come forth out of the cocoon to live eternally with Him. Hallelujah!

 

Faith in Things Not Seen

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4/18/19

I began this blog after a lunch date with a friend discussing children, school, cancer, and church. It was then and there that the tug for writing my story came to fruition. Her daughter was fighting a three year battle… My heart is heavy beyond description, but my loss has no measure to hers and her family. Her precious girl went home to be with the Lord last weekend. There is no way I can describe their loss. No way on this earth. My prayers and encouragement may be a help, but that is all I can offer.

In the last few months, I have seen families hurt by this disease, and I tried to answer the “why? “. I do not know if I have real answers, and for most people that have seen God work in their lives over and over again, they kind of already know those answers. We read God’s word, hear God’s word preached, and see Him work because of our faith. Faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Everyone has faith in something. Having faith in God who takes every aspect of our lives in His hand and gives us hope, direction, and love makes life on earth seem bearable. He gives us evidence through answers to our prayers; whether He answers them how we want or how He wants. We can then have hope that He will do it again. Then the cycle repeats.

What are tough times? They come in all forms like taking away those who are precious to us. Cancer took other things from me: almost half my teenage years, school attendance, a healthy body, a head of hair… Tough times can only be labeled by us. We have to fill in the blanks ourselves, and no “tough time” is less important than someone else’s. They range from a broken body to financial troubles to spiritual downfalls. Whatever it is when we feel downtrodden and lost, then it is our tough time. It comes in all forms, and sometimes we do not see it until it is too late. Our relationship with God can keep our eyes open to what is around us and help us see a tough time. Then our faith is strengthened. The cycle repeats.

Cancer took so much from me, but it gave me a list of amazing things that would fill pages and pages. Which is why I have made note of many of them here. There are so many gifts and blessings that come from tough times, but it is important to grieve when we feel empty. Sometimes we cannot be strong for others anymore and just have to go to God and grieve. The grieving process is how we get back to remembering those blessings. Blessings that give us hope; blessings that increase our faith. Then the cycle repeats.

We have faith in so many things. We trust when we sit down that the chair will hold us. Our vehicle is important to our daily lives. The education we receive is used to improve our future. Each doctor we visit with helps us make decisions about our health. Faith is all around us, and we miss it sometimes. But when the tough times come, we remember what we are supposed to remember about God and His power to get us through. Next, we have to act upon it and have faith that He will. Easy to say, easy to do; because we live in faith in other things every day. I promise, it is easy to do. And then the cycle repeats.

Hebrews 11, the “Faith Chapter,” is all about people in the Bible that did do faith. Some of them in the daily things and some of them in the Godly things. Ordinary and extraordinary. But they all experienced a faith in God that brought them closer to Him. Abel offered up a sacrifice that pleased God; Abraham left his home and followed God’s leading; Sara believed and received a child in her old age; Rahab help God’s people escape. People who trusted in something they could not see but had seen the results of their faith in the past. Their faith put them in the Faith Chapter. It starts like this, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”