Category: Beginnings

Christmas Time Is Here Again

December 2024

I Love Christmas time. I actually love Thanksgiving more because I do not feel as overwhelmed. There is cleaning the house and putting together the most scrumptious lunch and goodies. Where with Christmas, it is scheduling a picture taking session, then ordering the cards with all intentions of a clear photo and changing the name on the card to your name. Then after that stressful project, making sure presents are bought for family and friends, getting them wrapped, going to parties and choir cantatas, and then cleaning the house. Sometimes we head to a family member’s home in another state which involves tying up an extreme number of loose ends just to leave, on top of the regular Christmas events.

It is beyond important to take a look at the list of items to do, the list of projects done, and the list of chores and then turn on the Christmas music and dwell on the reason for the season. Have we thought about that part yet? Well, the reason for the hustle and bustle is going to be here shortly and the dwelling on the spirit of Christmas should not be left until then. In fact, it should be in every aspect of our daily lives year round. Why are we shopping endlessly for the right present for the right person? Why are we going to the event? Why celebrate? Because it is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. As Christians, it is the only reason we should do these things. He is who we are celebrating; He is who we are honoring with our gifts to others, the message that is sung, and our connections at the parties. He has given us these opportunities.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Creator of all, was sent to earth as a baby. Christmas is the celebration of His birth. But the story is the most important. Why did He come? God created man in His image and to be ruler of His creation, but man sinned against God by being deceived of the devil. Sin entered into the world, so God sent His Son to take the sin of the world on Him by dying on the cross. Jesus is that bridge from this sinful world to God. Through belief that we are sinners, that Jesus died for those sins, and accepting those things and asking Him to be our Savior and bridge to God, we can spend eternity with God upon our death. The recognition of these truth from the Bible makes Christmas a part of the celebration of Christianity that should be so very meaningful. Let us make it meaningful this year.

One of the ways we can make it meaningful is to see the events in a different light. Did they come around as only a gathering time of food and fellowship? Maybe. But if we look at what the Bible says about when Jesus was born, others gathered together to celebrate His birth. Luke 2:1-19, gives the Christmas story that every choir cantata and musical at Christmastime repeats. Jesus was born and the angels came to the shepherds to tell them.

Luke 2:8-12 say, “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shown round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.” The shepherds went looking for Jesus and found Him and His family in a stable. That gathering together to worship and celebrate the Saviour of the world, Extraordinary! Can you imagine that type of concert from the angels and the gathering in the stable? Lowly and meek, God-honoring and worshipful.

Along with the gatherings, I love giving gifts and making it the right gift. If we read in Matthew 2, wise men came from the east looking for the King of the Jews, following the star. They presented him with gifts which were very expensive gifts and an act of their worship. These gifts are an example of our gifts to God. Our lives and dedication to telling others about Jesus should be our main gift to Him. He asks us at the end of the Gospel of Matthew to tell everyone about Him and His gift of Jesus whom He sent to us. Jesus is that ultimate gift we can give to others, and especially this time of year when the emphasis of Christmas is all around us. How are we going to do that this year? Are we willing to share Jesus with those we come in contact within the next week. Grocery stores, gas stations, restaurants; we may be the only Christian someone has ever met or will meet this year. This gift of Jesus to someone without Jesus will change their lives forever.

Each year, we spend time as a family concentrating on giving God a new gift for the new year. I have tried to give Him more of my time, my thoughts, my service. And at the end of the year, I reflect on how that went for me. I have seen some amazing things happen with those gifts. I can honestly say God has taken care of me, will take care of me, and everything that is done in my life is for a reason, and I try, try, try to remember that constantly. The last few months have been evidenced again of how much He has taken care of every need. God has worked in some pretty amazing ways, and there are more to come. I have spent this year in quite a bit of physical pain, and yet, I feel healthy and strong. If the pain, were to go away would I be able to see God in my life less? Maybe so. But of course, I would rather not hurt. That gift of no pain might actually make me complacent in my daily life, sitting back and not focusing on those that are in some real debilitating pain. At least I can get out of bed every day and do my tasks. Many others may not.

Gifts and gatherings and family are Christmas, but Jesus needs to be Christmas. Today, let us look at this day as the one God has made for us and give Him our time, thoughts, and us. Celebrate Jesus as Christmas time is here again.

Getting Off The Hamster Wheel

November 2023

Our lives are so fragile, yet when we live them on what some people call the hamster wheel, that fragility is not even noticed. The wheel turns. Since my last post, Christmas, trips, moves, more trips, fireworks, and school ending and beginning. How can that much time go by so quickly? When I first got married, an older lady in our church said that once you have children the time seems to speed up. I guess the developmental stages that children go through make time move forward more quickly than when we are just living a life for ourselves or newly married? I can see how that might be. But I wonder if time really is just moving forward differently because the hamster wheel has added responsibilities and added activities, and it is hard to stop time or slow down when that happens. Along with the added children are everything as parents we add to the wheel, as well.

Then…

Have we ever been driving, and up ahead we see a sequence of traffic lights, like maybe the ones that are getting us ready to meet up with an interstate or highway? There always seems to be at least one on our side of the interstate to help those turning left onto the on ramp and coming off the interstate, and then one after we pass under the overpass for us to turn left onto the on ramp going the opposite direction and help those coming off. These lights are much needed with a busy traffic interchange. As we approach, many times the lights tend to blend together. We see the one right in front of us, and also, we see the one ahead. Maybe it is just me, but a couple of times I have looked too far ahead and miss the one right in front of me change to red, and hitting those brakes comes out of nowhere; a sudden stop that throws everyone in the vehicle in a “woah” moment. Like coming off the hamster wheel. Moving forward looking ahead, maybe far ahead, then stopped.

A sudden stop; each are different. Yours is, or will be, different than mine. Listen, I am not a doomsday person, and I do not want to say that we should live our lives under the fact that we had that stop or will have that stop. But, a hamster wheel stop can be life changing and life altering, yet has the potential for us to live life afterward. I am a pure example of this. One day I was a go-get them, bossy, active thirteen-year-old and the next day, I was a cancer patient. And not just a cancer patient. I was physically sick, hurting, and dying; mentally, I was angry, unnerved, and discouraged. Plus, add any and all other physical and mental attributes of this situation. Life as we all knew it suddenly stopped, and a new life suddenly started.

Although most of us do not see day in and day out as fragile; they really are. They are the most important gifts we are given. I do not care that the hamster wheel is turning, we must be able to slow that down. Once we hit the sudden stop, like when the light turns red, then nothing is in our control. So, what next.

Let us put into place the hamster wheel slow down plan.

  1. Realization: We may say that has already been done, but the next step is insurmountable. You know, like when you are hiking that trail that takes you up the switchbacks. There are always those steps that are like two-in-one and to us short-legged people, those type of step ups, puts me in a place of unbelief that anyone would actually make steps so tall. I have done my fair share of stopping and looking up to see the steps and switchbacks as overwhelming. So, we go to the next step.
  2. Evaluation: Getting past the realization step is the one step that many times never is seen in the rear-view mirror. Many times, we won’t go past it. Hamster wheel stays turning. But if we can slow it down slightly and start on evaluating, the situation comes into focus. The giant two-steppers show up as doable, maybe at least until the next switchback. Each person and their evaluation looks different. A few years ago, mine looked like anxiety, crazy wife and mom, and I saw myself in total disarray. I was living in constant back pain, constant stress which in turn I put on myself severe anxiety. Yes, I put it on myself. We have a choice here on how the stress and anxiety affects us. My evaluation was that I could not change the circumstances.
  3. Slow down: I needed to slow the hamster wheel ever so slightly. I found ways to self-care and combat the bodily aches and pains, then remove a couple of things off the wheel, and then in turn a happier wife, mother, daughter, and friend.
  4. Move forward: a tad slower and the steps may still be just as tall but the next switchback is closer to the top, the goal. Within the evaluation, move forward with the changes. We cannot stop with evaluation; take a step. I saw changes in my health that were desperately needed; physically and mentally.
  5. Evaluate: Is this working? Are there a couple more tweaks needed? We must not think that our life has to stay where we find ourselves. God’s Word gives us insight.

Colossians 1:9-10 ” For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and understanding; That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

How many “change” verbs do we see? Filled, Walk, Being fruitful, Increasing. All moving forward ideas.

Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”

II Peter 1:5-8 “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The last verse is fantastic about not staying in one spot, but it is also so overwhelming because the list is so long. Well, start with ONE of these things. Evaluate where we are and implement a change in kindness or patience. We cannot expect anything in our lives to be different if we don’t do something about it, and God tells us to change the things that are not in line with His word. It is a doable task, or He would not be saying it. Time to slow the hamster wheel before it hits a complete stop.

Where/How Has The Time Gone?

Recent events have brought reflection on years of the past and years, months, and days that are to come. A high school graduation, a twenty-year anniversary, a first-day-of-school pic with just one and walking into an empty bedroom of our missing college student. By the way, after spending the weekend getting him settled in and spending time, the hug and driving away was not as bad as I thought. Walking into his bedroom to pick up a little, let’s just say, I was on the struggle bus. Then when it was time to say goodnight to the boys as before, the bus kept going, so I had to text him to tell him I could not say goodnight in person, so he was getting a text. Reflecting on not “where has the time gone” but “how has it gone?”

If we evaluate our time God has given us, we can really see what is important to us. In the past week, there has been time with God, but how meaningful has it been? It can be the most important time we have as a Christian. We want to see our behaviors, our care for others, our relationship with God as meaningful, but if that few minutes is not worth the time, we need to figure out how to make it. God’s word tells us over and over those who accept Him as their Savior are His children, and if our time with our children or our parents mean so much, the same goes for God. John 1:12 says, “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:” And in Romans 9:26, “And it shall come to pass, that in the place where it was said unto them, Ye are not my people; there shall they be called the children of the living God.”

So, we evaluate our time with God based on our time with our family. Granted, time with family can be limited with the coming and going of the members. There are times that we are like ships passing in the night at this house, but we are very much aware of interactions needed the next time the ship is in at the dock or a phone call or text to say what is going on that day. If that interaction does not happen, what kind of relationship do we have with our family? That really does not seem right. We head to a play date or event or church and we hope to see…who, because we want to cultivate a relationship with them. Then it is time to make the same eagerness a feeling for our family, and then ultimately that feeling needs to be one for God. Church is not to replace that one-on-one relationship we are to have with the one who created us as individuals. Psalm 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” We were especially created first for Him. Church is to feed our soul through the singing and preaching of God’s Word and refresh our spirit through the fellowship of God’s people. But our soul and spirit need to be ready to receive that goodness by already spending time cultivating the eagerness for the goodness.

How has our time gone? We cannot beat ourselves up for lost time; not good. I can promise there are many more years combined that have been for God and for our family when we reflect, but let us work toward additional minutes, day, months, and years that we previously have not used for this. Eager to hear from God instead of just reading the passage for the day. Eager to read and study a subject that we feel like we are going through at that time. Eager to pray for ourselves and others for God to work. Miracles still happen, just saying. But then sometimes God is silent. We must be eager for Him!

As a teenager on death’s doorstep, there really was not much of this reflection time except for the one day my dad asked if I had ever thought I could have died. I had not; I was just trying to get all this over with to get back to normal. I was angry at cancer and hated what it had done to my life. At that time of reflection, I realized that if God had not allowed me to survive the surgery and diagnosis, I would have not gone to Heaven. I was a sinner in need of a Savior, and I asked Him to save me shortly after that. Other than that life changing moment, I still never really spent anymore thoughts on where my time was going or had gone. Let’s just get through this and my homework done or a new outfit or call my friends. So shocking, but just in survival mode. We hear about hikers in the wilderness that get lost and do whatever it takes to survive. Desperation kicks in and a strength that they had never found before comes to the surface to survive, to get out of the situation at hand.

Where has our time gone or how has our time gone? Do we see the past years and are in desperation mode to make the future new? Is that strength that we never knew we had allowed to come to the surface and make God and our relationship strong? It does not matter how old or young we are, we are responsible to take the eagerness we have for any other situation or time with others and make it the same for our God, as an INDIVIDUAL. Here is the step-by-step process right in God’s Word, one from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament. Deuteronomy 6:5 says, ” And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy might.” And in Luke 10:27 and 28, “…Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. And he (Jesus) said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.”

What’s Next?

9/2/21

2010 – Present

My cancer journey began at thirteen in 1990, and the cancer journey continues at age 45 in 2021. How does this happen when the oncology doctor appointments are not scheduled anymore, chemotherapy drips are turned off, and your hair grows back? It continues because the side effects of a controlled substance used to fight the disease appear years later.

Immediate side effects of the chemotherapy drugs that were used in 1990. Vomiting, headaches, weight loss, hair loss, taste buds changed, large mouth sores, skin rashes, broviac-inserted IV into my chest; need I continue. Expansion of the side effects circle as a teenager-frequent school absences, lower grades, no sports, family affected, low self-esteem, bitterness began. Circle gets larger-hardness (fighter instinct), bitterness increases, keeping others at bay. Let us take a break here and go on a side effects’ rabbit trail. Once I hit Bible college and marriage, I learned these things about myself, and gave them to the Lord then, and continually pray that God will keep them at bay. Not so much about the cancer and side effects themselves, but about other things that come into my life. When you have been at a certain physical, emotional, and spiritual stage in the past and present day things come along, it is easy to revert back there if you are not careful.

Present day side effects. Well, its been 31 years since this all began, and I have to say in the last 10 years those side effects, as many of you have read in previous articles, have reared their ugly head. Infertility has been a huge part of our lives and is directly related to chemotherapy and my cancer surgery; doctor’s orders. I had a fall 10 years ago on ski slope that was so stupid; you hear that all the time-this person said they were just standing and fell over and twisted their knee up, or this other person said they hit a tree barely moving and got a concussion. Anyway a routine parallel stop when my son fell tore the ACL in my right knee. Doctor replaced it and said I had to be on crutches for eight weeks because he was concerned about minor bone loss in the femur where the newly attached ACL resided. A recent visit with the same doctor, and the bone loss is increasing; seen in long distant runners, smokers, and chemotherapy patients. I am not even remotely in the category of the first two.

Right after I had my first child, I went down for the count with severe back pain. It was what everyone else said they had when I talked about the pain; the L5 was pinching a nerve. A few years back, I told my husband I was not living in the back pain world anymore. I could not get out of bed normally, bend over at all, walk without pain, or enjoy my life. I was desperate and called a local spine doctor to get in for an evaluation. We did therapy, shots (which were so traumatic, let me tell you, to let someone put a needle in your back after 18 spinal taps during chemo, and yes I cried like a baby), and one year later he saw I had bone loss, underdevelopment in a lower vertebra, and everything would continue to settle downward. Surgery with rods and pins was the diagnosis, and his colleague would be my second opinion. His colleague did not agree; exercise, stretching, and core strength was his solution, and I have not returned because I work on those daily. No chemo side effect diagnosis, but I will take some liberty to say-how many spinal taps did I have in between those lower vertebras? and bone loss? And recently, I have seen multiple doctors concerning an eye problem. We are still in the process, but one diagnosis I was told it is caused by steroids. This is recent steroid use like eye drops or topical, but the amount of steroids I had during chemotherapy raises a red flag in my mind.

I left the oncology office 27 years ago free and clear and CURED, but God has made sure I know where and when and how I have come to where I am today by constantly reminding me WHO brought me to this place. These things are not just happenstance. They are orchestrated by Him, as my life today has been. I am not alive today because I was determined to fight, although our mental state is a huge part of our ability to heal, but I am alive and experiencing these things because GOD SAID CANCER and He chose me!

It is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Each and every person that goes through a trial like Childhood Cancer goes through it differently because God created us differently. But He chose us to go through the trial, so we are no different from each other in that aspect. God tells us in John 15:15, 16, “Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me; but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” God wants us to be His children. When we accept that position, He then asks us to tell others, whether that be verbally, by the way we live, by the way we speak, and even by the way we suffer. I live in constant pain and those closest to me know that, but God chose me to show others of His Healing, His Leading, and His Grace. Oh to live worthy to what He has called me to do…

The Cocoon

Nymphalidae - Danaus plexippus - Chrysalis

7/20/19

Just like that, all the words from my previous post have come to fruition. Our family has seen a new normal for now that was not planned less than a week ago. My s-u-m-m-e-r became very real to me and my family this week. Our Salvation was real close to us because we almost lost a significant part of our family who would have joined our Father in Heaven without His hand on the situation. We plan to stay Unmovable during this time of trial, because our God is who we serve and He is always there. We stay Mesmerized at the small steps that have been accomplished in our loved ones’ life every day. We cherish the pictures and the Moments we had and have with them at this time. We will Evaluate what God has placed before us and focus on the situation placed before us and the people sent our direction, because we need to be Ready to show them the love of our Almighty, All powerful, All Healing God!

Five seconds changed our families’ world. Now let us see what God will do with the rest of our seconds.

Fall 1995

Similar to this time in my families’ life, a very significant time in my life was my sophomore year of college. I had begun the year searching for something, anything that gave me a purpose and a reason for the crazy cancer fiasco that had come my way a few years before. God brought me a friend that was kind of in the same boat. We were able to fill a void of friendship for each other. God also spoke to me over and over in chapels and church services about my relationship with Him and that my life lived for Him should show others His love. Across my path, walked many people that had been affected by cancer. I grew closer to God than I had ever been. My testimony was shared in devotional time and given to teenagers at conferences. At the time, I was not aware of the significance of what God had done in the past, but saw small things here and there of how important it was to share my experience. I did not know what the future held for me, but knew I was doing what I was suppose to be doing at that time.

Recently, one of our children had to teach a lesson in their classroom about anything they were interested in. They chose the butterfly, and we ordered Painted Lady caterpillars online which were shipped to us through the mail. It was very exciting opening the box and seeing this small cup of insects inside. The caterpillars were shipped inside a cup that contained the food they would need to survive the process. The instructions were to leave them and watch them grow for a few days. It was amazing how in just a couple of days they doubled in size and continued to grow.

The next step was significant and all of sudden. We looked inside one day and four out of the six caterpillars were in a cocoon, and one of them was in the process, moving and wiggling around with the cocoon forming. In one day, they were finished and suspended in air from the lid of the cup. Instructions: wait a few more days and then we would see the butterflies emerge. Having caterpillars for pets was extremely easy; purchase them, get them in the mail, open them up, set them on the counter, and watch. Love pets, but most of the time it is a ton more work! We literally walked into the kitchen one day and the butterflies had emerged. They were so pretty, and it had been a fascinating process. Oh, and super easy! Next instructions: watch the butterflies for a few days, feed them with sugar water, and then release them to do their job in the flower world. I am sure that we could find many a caterpillar outside and see the magic happen over again. We, however, enjoyed the easy online order and process we took to see the cool metamorphosis.

As they studied the caterpillar and gathered information about the changing into a butterfly, I became very aware of the significance of the cocoon. Without the cocoon, the caterpillar stays just that; a caterpillar. The cocoon is where all the magic happens. This is very similar to the Christian life. During the time of life where I was going through cancer there was much wiggling and movement while the cocoon was forming. I feel like the time I spent in college figuring out my purpose in life was the same. Every step of the way to this point has most likely been the same, or the cocoon has formed and I am just being transformed. At whatever point in the process that I am in, heaven will be when I emerge and am made new. Thank goodness for the cocoon; it is such an important part of the caterpillar’s life, as it is in mine.

We could say that God is that part in our life that protects and changes us to be more like Him. God’s word tells us in Job 23:10 of Job speaking to those around him about the devastation that he had just endured. He lost his family, livelihood, and body and still he said these amazing words speaking of God: “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” We will come forth as gold. No matter the easy road, the hard road, the protection and comfort we have in our Heavenly Father will always be there. Nothing that we go through on this earth compares to the trial that Jesus Christ went through as He stood before men as a man in the same flesh we are in and was tried and sentenced to death. He was placed on the cross and in agony and pain took the sin of the whole world upon Him so that we may be saved. Even though we are tried and sometimes suffer, we get to come forth out of the cocoon to live eternally with Him. Hallelujah!

 

The Road Ahead Looks Great

road-ahead

6/11/19

Fall 1994/Spring 1995

With the brother in a better health situation, my mind could focus on the task at hand. The college life kept moving ahead with day after day of classes and book work. I was able to secure a fantastic job as a private tutor at a tutoring service in a nearby city. It was a fulfilling job because I was a teacher at heart and hoping to get my degree in that field. The hours were perfect; leave school at 2:15pm to start teaching at 3:00pm and clock out at 8pm for the drive home. It was a solid 30 minute drive on the streets of the suburbs of east LA. Most drives were uneventful, and it was basically a straight shot down Arrow Highway.

On occasion the drive was abnormal. A couple of us from school worked at the tutoring service, so we would carpool. One trip, my friend and I were talking and having a good ole’ time, and a guy started yelling at us with his window down, pointing at the ground. We were a tad nervous, because, well this is LA. I soon realized I was driving on a flat tire, pulled over, and we took a look. Since we were not in the tire changing business, looking for the items to change the tire was an ordeal, and the lug nut turning never happened. We were weaklings to say the least. My friend was a blond beauty so many a honk came our way, and one guy stopped in front of us and turned around with a car phone. We waved him on, very nervous; again this is LA. She ran across the street to a pay phone and paged a friend, who showed up and changed the tire. We got back in the car, and it would not start! Our friend was able to help get it going, and we headed to work, late for our first appointments.

When we were stopped at the side of that road with a flat tire, we soon noticed we were on a long stretch of highway that did not have a gas station. Well, before that fateful day, this particular stretch of highway was the best time to get up speed and catch up on time if we were running behind. It had, in the past, been our saving grace when we needed help to get where we needed to go on time. That road was not looking so great those few moments. Our perspective changed in an instance, and we never did look at it the same again. We chuckled about what happened there when we would pass by, and I can go to that spot today and point it out.

Stories of road mishaps can be told by all, but it is amazing that there are not more of them, when we travel well worn paths in the concrete on a daily basis. Many times we take for granted that road, the familiar stop sign or stop light, the same neighborhoods and businesses… Our surroundings do not change but unless our circumstances do, we typically do not notice or we pay little attention to them. When the circumstances change, we then notice. Same with our lives, right? Day by day, we try to live a life that has meaning and fulfillment; focusing on our families, focusing on our relationship with God, focusing on our church family, focusing on… We can fill in the blank with whatever we narrow down our focal points. It is what we are supposed to do, but then the flat tire comes along and what happens?

First off, our physical reactions to the flat tire are super important to discuss. This subject hits close to home, because in the last few years, I have been confronted by the way I react. I truly and purposefully try to be better, not always successful but am grateful for those around me that confront me and give me grace. It is incredibly important to keep my relationship with God strong, which keeps my focus on Him strong when the flat tires come along. I try to remind myself of the following illustration all the time: people are like tea bags; when things around them get hot and boiling, what is on the inside comes out. If we have that relationship with God, and we do not like what we see when it is hot and boiling, there should be a time of reflection on what changes could be made.

Second off, the flat tire changes our perspective; it becomes a reminder. It becomes a place when time, people, places changed, and we have a different perspective. There are many new perspectives that have come along in my life, but cancer was a big one for me. I saw myself as a teenager with a whole life in front of her, and in one week the flat tire changed my perspective to, “Wait a minute, what life?” There is not much life to be had when you wake up from surgery screaming in agony, not having a clue what is happening. When you hear your mom say to someone, “How am I supposed to tell her she has cancer?” When you realize you have an eighteen inch long incision on your stomach and an IV hanging out of your chest. When you see yellow and red liquid going into your body that the doctors say are supposed to get you back to being a teenager.

New perspective? You betcha. I may have not realized it for years to come, but that flat tire gave me a new look at a road I had been traveling on. I eventually became grateful for it, and the road ahead looked great. Jeremiah 29:13 says just that, “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Psalm 119:105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” So grateful for God’s road I am on!

Do You Remember When…?

Memory-Lane.jpg

5/21/19

Fall 1994

What about the time that we …? Do you remember when…? It feels like yesterday that I was riding a bike down our alley to go to the church where my dad was a pastor. We lived a street over, and between the row of houses there was an alley where we would ride to and from the church and our school which was across the street from the church. I remember the house and my room with a large picture window. The house was two bedrooms and two bathrooms with a dining room and eat in kitchen. My parents closed off the door from the kitchen to the dining room, and it became my bedroom. It had large windows on one side where I was certain to keep the bed as far away from them as possible. I loved that room. It was somewhat decorated girly, but most of my time was spent outside with my brother who was a year younger. Our other brother was born around this time.

We had the coolest trees in the front and back yards, and we did our dead level best to conquer them all, and they in return tried to do the same to us. The tree in the front was graciously used for sitting and talking and, one time, swinging with a sheet tied between two branches. It was not too fond of that because the swing lasted a few seconds and sent me crashing to the ground, breaking my collar bone. The five, large pecan trees in the back had an amazing crop of pecans that we turned in for money, which was well worth the time spent picking them up. The trees also had the best branches for climbing extremely high, but once sent my brother to the hospital with two broken arms. Although we had our share of mishaps, we have our share of fond memories that are cherished to this day.

In my cancer journey, a trip down memory lane brings me to the point where I had recently registered for college in Southern California and am fully engulfed in my freshman year. I had a quick turnaround from Ms. Independent to Ms. Homesick. I missed my family greatly, and it was not just the fact that I was not in the same house anymore. My brother was having a medical scare of his own. My parents had taken him to the doctor who had given him the news that he had cancer cells. He had surgery to remove a tumor and cells which were localized and not spread to any other locations. But the biopsy and a return trip showed the cancer could show up anywhere in his body. This sent my parents back into Cancer Parent mode, and they began the cancer journey again for the third time in five years. They chose along with my brother’s consent, who was almost 16 at the time, not to treat with chemotherapy and radiation. Just return trips for scans and monitoring. He never had another reoccurrence!

We were so grateful and took a sigh of relief that he would not have any treatment like I had to go through. I remember being in the dorm at college and asking roommates and housemates to pray for him, his surgery, and the diagnosis. I had so many people informed and praying, and I felt like if God could heal me, He would heal my brother as well. Really never doubted but was anxious all the same. I think my family kept me minimally informed about what he had to go through. Nonetheless, he is another sign of God’s healing hand for our family, because when cancer is diagnosed, the whole family is involved.

This memory of God’s intervention was impactful. I saw God in a whole new light because before, my cancer was my cancer, and He would be giving me my life back. My mom’s diagnosis the same time as mine, was not as impactful maybe because I was a little distracted. When my brother faced the same thing, it changed my perspective of the disease. I saw it as a threat, something that was going to take family from me. I was not ok with that at all. When everything turned out so well, I mean “so well?”, how can cancer have a “so well” result? Anyway, it was a good ending. God became real to me. I learned that freshman year that my daily walk with Him was an essential part of my Christian life. I also learned about making wise decisions when the decision making is in your court for the first time. Boy, I was shown time and again that my decisions were very important to my future and would need to be bathed in prayer. I learned that my study habits from high school were strong which helped me with the intense college grind. College can pound you with the schedule, papers, tests; the work load can at times be relentless. But pushing ahead and working hard will pay off. My freshman year was no exception, and it started off with a cancer diagnosis?!?!

Three people diagnosed with cancer within a few years of each other. How does that happen? Medically, my parents have spoken to specialists. But we understand that God did it this way for a reason. We have individually seen time and again why He brought cancer into our bodies. For me, my brother’s journey really helps solidify God in my life. Stories like this, or memories, are endless for us and would take volumes upon volumes of books to catalogue each instance how God revealed why the diagnosis of cancer was made in our three lives. Our memories are used to make new memories for us and then for someone else who might be experiencing cancer, and the cycle repeats.

Memories of our past can cause pain and can cause happiness. They can cause frustration and can cause joy. A memory may have been a learning experience or a turning point in our lives that made us a better person. Many of us have old memories of a life lived without God and new memories with Him as our Savior. We can rejoice in our salvation when the “old things are passed away” and “all things are become new” II Corinthians 5:17. I am truly thankful for memories, and ask the Lord when the memory is not so pleasant to help me not be bitter or learn from what transpired. It does not always happen that way, but I want to be aware. As I write each article, memories of how the events transpired come back and reveal to me how blessed I am; how amazing God has been to me.

Endings and Beginnings

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Before I begin I want to share a link to our family story that has just come out in book form. My mom has recently published the book on Amazon Kindle and in hard copy. Her many years of labor have come to fruition.

5/8/19

May 1994

Is it a coincidence that this written journey here has taken us to an amazing day in my life when an amazing day in millions of graduating seniors’ lives is happening this month? No, not a coincidence, but pretty cool all the same. Each year in May millions of graduating seniors and their families come together to celebrate many years of schooling and for most, countless days and nights of hard work. It is a pretty special month and worth celebrating with those around us that are having that special day. A chapter in their life is ending and a new one beginning. There are other ends and beginnings. Recently, in our family’s life, we have had neighbors and family members move away, so a chapter in our life has ended and a new one, especially for them, has begun. Makes us sad, but thankful for the memories.

Do you remember your graduation? I do, and to be honest, I miss high school just a bit. Maybe it is because I feel like there were not as many worries or stresses before graduation that a person seems to encounter in adult life. Maybe it is because I would like to go back with what I have learned about people and develop relationships with others that I did not pursue for one reason or another. I had a few close friends and then many others that I had a nice conversation with at my 20th reunion. The reunion made me miss the friendships, teachers, football nights, my first job at Burger King, and my beloved Chrysler. After cancer, I enjoyed being a teenager, which is what I always strived for during cancer.

Graduation was not only the end of 13 years of schooling, but for me it was the end of a few years of rough patches mixed in with plenty of high patches. It was the end of a disease that changed my life from a healthy, sporty junior higher with her future ahead of her to a broken, bedridden junior higher with blurred vision. I approached graduation, back to health, and ecstatic about what was going to play out in the next few months and years, not wanting to turn back for any reason to what I had just experienced.

In March of my senior year, I made the decision to pursue my dream of teaching and go to a Bible college in California where they offered a teaching degree for Christian school teachers. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. I have vivid memories of sitting in my third and fourth grade classes with one of the most wonderful teachers in the world. His name was Mr. Hendon, and he made the process of learning in a classroom setting the ultimate experience. He brought math facts to life with games. He took us outside during reading group to get fresh air and discuss the characters like they were sitting beside us. He had a smile and encouraging word that made the struggle with history dates and science terms bearable. I was going to be like him. I remember where I was sitting and where he was standing by his desk in this large classroom in an old day care turned Christian school on 14th Street in Abilene, Texas, when I said to myself, “I am going to be just like Mr. Hendon.” That was the beginning of my pursuit of being in a classroom when I grew up. And then, I had so many other wonderful teachers that solidified that decision along the way.

When May and graduation rolled around, I was ready to hit the road. Graduation was the beginning of a new road stretched out before me that was leading to my ultimate dream. The summer months were spending time with friends who would not be going with me, camping in the mountains with the family, and working many hours at the downtown jeweler. I was basically the only employee so I had long days of cleaning shelves, windows, and jewelry cases and putting items out in the morning and in the safes at night. It was a pretty boring job, because how many small mountain town  patrons does a jewelry store have in the summer months besides those needing watch batteries? Not many; when the snow melts in April and school gets out in May everyone leaves town. I enjoyed it to an extent, and that extent was that it would be paying for my first semester of school.

A new beginning was a new car my parents bought for me that I would end up driving for the next five years. It was a perfect car for me, two door Ford Festiva with moving seat belts. Boy, did you have to be careful with those. It is not a wonder why cars do not have those anymore because it about took off my head on many an occasion and drove my passengers crazy. I actually saw one the other day and can not believe I carpooled in college with four others in there. How in the world did we fit?! Let me just say Ford was the creator of the first SMART Car, and they did not even know it.

And before I knew it the next chapter in my life began, and I was beginning my college experience. I walked on campus blessed beyond all measure with a new car, a friend of mine as my roommate, and money to put on my school bill. I was going to start on my teaching dream, and I was super excited. Plus, I was going to school in Southern California which has so much to enjoy like Disneyland, shopping, the beach and trips to visit friends’ homes who grew up living there. The weather is great and the thrift stores are amazing, oh, and they have IN-N-OUT burgers! Yep, the freshman 15 was inevitable! Unfortunately, I am pretty sure I pushed my family out the door sooner than they wanted to go, but it did not take long before homesickness crept in, and calling cards and scheduled pay phone calls were a must. (Yes, you are right, no cell phones in the early 90’s for us.) I was having a great time, but I missed my family.

My beginning was shortly set aside for a new beginning that showed up back at the homestead, and it was not because I had left…

Ends and beginnings are healthy cycles in life; an end of something and the start of something else. Can I submit that in life an ending does not necessarily mean completion, but that we have to shift focus. Until we see our Father’s face we might see this happen many times whether it is the end and then a beginning or a shift in focus. Beginnings, exciting? Yes. Endings, exciting? Sure. Sometimes not so much in both scenarios. But I am grateful for one thing; God is there for either one of them, and that is so comforting. He IS the Beginning and the End. Revelation 1:8, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.”