12-10-19
Summer 1998
Hope deferred can really make our heart sick, exactly how God puts it in Proverbs. We look forward to many things in our lives. I remember when I was a little girl, my dad pastored in a couple of churches in Texas. Along with being a pastor’s kid came the privilege of going to church camp with my parents when they would visit the youth while they were at camp. Depending on the church size, my parents were the chaperones so we spent all week at camp. I loved it so much, but I really enjoyed hanging out with the “big kids.” They put up with me; humored me. The best day ever was when I was going to be just like them, and that day could not come fast enough. Hope deferred… In junior high, getting into high school was going to be the best day ever. In high school, nothing could take the place of getting my driver’s license! After the driver’s license came looking forward to graduating from high school and “getting out of Dodge” on my way to college. Should I keep going? We get the picture.
Hope deferred was constant in my life, and I have to admit, I find myself in that state of mind every now and then. But currently, it does not seem to make my “heart sick” near as often. In my life’s journey in 1998, I had completed four years of college with no future plans, spouse, address (TBD in Oklahoma), job… Pretty much depending on God for every step of the way, because “the way” looked a little like a London roundabout. My husband and I visited London a few years ago, and he wanted to drive which means renting a vehicle. Unbeknownst to us, driving in England means there are many intersections that have multiple streets coming into one point. These roundabouts have six, seven streets that spur off and a person has to know which one to get off at AND, for us Americans, make sure when we pick that street, we are on the correct side (which did not happen once!) On more than one occasion, we ended up in a roundabout, and after a few revolutions figured out the correct street and were able to exit.
Kind of like hope. Deferred; so we take another go at it. This way, God? Nope, here we go again. In life, I was definitely in a roundabout and headed to Colorado to work yet another summer at a church camp. I was not discouraged, but excited because I loved summer camp, and this was an opportunity to live and breathe camp for eight weeks. It was hard work, and we spent many a night falling into bed for a short night of sleep to repeat the jobs the next day. I spent much time praying about my future and asking God what He would have for me. There were big decisions that were made that summer.
One of those decisions came in the way of a job opportunity. My parents had already arrived in Oklahoma and were attending church. They met a principal of a school and decided to give me a call; in their mind they knew who I was while I was in denial. I love the parental role; it is amazing! They sent me an application to that school. Not interested! But, I prayed and looked through the application. It was what I was created to do, created to be, created to give on this earth. Be a teacher. I knew from the beginning of time, teaching was my future. I had an interview over the phone and received my first teaching job, sight unseen for both sides. Hope had been deferred which was not known until I jumped out of the roundabout with my eyes closed, no turn signal, praying it was the right side of the road. What a crazy step of faith! My summer ended in Colorado, and I headed to my future address in Oklahoma with a brand new job at a school I had never seen or a principal and school employees I had never met. Nervous to say the least, but super excited because of the unknown. God had been faithful to me and gracious to guide me out of the roundabout down a new street.
During this time, since I was a college graduate my health insurance was no longer available through my parents, and I needed to get insurance because of my health history. I started with the most obvious insurance company in the city I was living in, and within a few weeks, received my first “rejected” letter. My application had been rejected because of a “pre-existing condition.” CANCER had once again denied me; hope deferred and now I was in the cancer roundabout again. Why was this happening? I did not have cancer, I was cancer free for almost ten years, medically noted as cured for almost five years. What was their problem? On to the next insurance company. Denied! Then the next, Denied. Five insurance companies later and still no insurance. No one told me that cancer would do that; that this would be another long term side effect! I guess I had to find out the hard way about the insurance and now needed to plan for any medical problems that may raise their ugly head. One more thing to be anxious about in my cancer journey.
Along with the insurance conundrum, two weeks before school started, I walked into my new school and classroom with an incredible amount of butterflies. The principal, team teachers, fellow teachers, and the faculty were all amazing and taught me everything I needed to know to receive a precious group of fourth graders on the first day of school. Two weeks flew by, and it was time.
The roundabout. Many roads headed into one circle that once someone gets into, there may be times where they will stay for a while, yet fewer times that they take the next road. It is a picture of our hope deferred. It makes a heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life. It is fantastic, breath taking, breath exhaling, whatever we classify the tree of life. We can be so grateful that our God gives us the abilities to get in the roundabout and wait on Him to show us the next road. Thank you, God, for Hope Deferred in the Roundabouts.
God Said Cancer 